Friday, August 3, 2012

100 Things I Learned from Period Dramas

100 Things I Learned From Period Dramas

1. One should travel miles to go to London for a haircut.
2. Just because your matchmaking produced one happy marriage, doesn't mean you should make anymore matches.
3. When leaving town, always "look back at me".
4. Never leave lace in buttermilk on a table where a cat can get it.
5. During a proposal scene, always talk about the color of fruit.
6. Whenever you're in the neighborhood with your aunt and uncle, you can always feel free to explore the home of the man whose proposal you rejected.
7. In France, your tailors will betray you.
8. Life is not a Gothic novel... Learn this so you don't suspect your future husband's father of murder.
9. It is possible to read too many novels.
10. If a man cannot tie his own cravat, he must be up to no good!

11. Using words like "esteem" and "like" when reference to someone will cause people to leave the room this instant!
12. Mr. Knightley can teach Chinese! (Do you think Jane could read Chinese?)
13. The only thing that could beat reading a list of 100 titles is to create a list of 101 titles.

14. Whenever Emma says her matchmaking days are over, it really means "Let the matchmaking days continue!"
15. I defy you not to roar while reading The Pickwick Papers.
16. Despite a limp, you can still become Lord Grantham's valet.
17. If you had a secret acting life in your past and are being blackmailed by your former friend/acting partner, Lord Grantham will pay him off.
18. Doctors must always wear a black coat. The people trust black.
19. An engagement is an engagement.
20. Did I say the engagement was an elephant, mam? 

21. Consuming oranges is a most incommodious business.
22. You can be a bit of a poet and everyone may not know it.
23. When you ride seven miles to give someone a wasps nest, you don't do that for no reason.
24. There is such a man and his name begins with an F.
25. If the three of us are not married by Michaelmas, then it will not be Mrs. Jennings's fault.
26. Cheese is so course and strong smelling.
27. No matter how much those Frenchies seek him here and seek him there and seek him everywhere, they will not catch that elusive Pimpernel!
28. Mrs. Jennings talks about things... We never talk about things.
29. The last thing you want to do during a proposal is to insult your intended's family and say it is against your will to love your intended.
30. Perhaps I won't always love him as I will, but in such cases as these a good memory is unpardonable.

31. You can sing very ill as long as you're determined to do it.
32. You can have plenty of friends you don't like.
33. Salt over a dessert doesn't taste nearly as good as sugar over a dessert.
34. If you're having an argument, you're not saying that she was silly, but one of you was silly and it wasn't you.
35. You must give one smirk and then you can be rational again.
36. If a man understands muslins, then he must not be a villain.
37. You can have many "one weaknesses".
38. If a man claims to only be at a concert hall for a lecture on navigation, he really came for the concert.
39. You wouldn't dream of depriving someone of their moment of victory, but alas a moment is all you can spare.
40. "Sink Me" no longer refers to water, boats, or anything of that nature.

41. The people of Cranford do not wish to be dressed as revolutionaries.
42. The position of the Nile is in South America, but it is really in Belgium.
43. You must be thinking of the Volga in Belgium which starts in Vladivostock and ends in Wimbleton where the coffee beans come from.
44. The Source of the Nile is really in Abyssinia.
45. When he knows he is right, he is really wrong.
46. Your petticoat six inches deep in mud is really shocking to some people.
47. We will never find out what a "week-end" is.
48. Despite respect for rules and regulations in Lark Rise to Candleford, at some point the rules get broken.
49. It is difficult to say only three dull things at once.
50. If Fanny asks for the key to the silver cabinet, she must want to count it.

51. You shouldn't talk such nonsense in front of seven silent people.
52. Downton Abbey and Upstairs Downstairs have very similar plot lines.
53. Every savage can dance.
54. Fanny Dashwood is not the soul of discretion.
55. Mrs. Hughes has a boyfriend.
56. O'brien is a giraffe.
57. The two letters that express perfection are M and A: EMM A!
58. Mr. Darcy is all politeness.
59. There are over 100 different kinds of wasps in England alone.
60. You can't trust Kitty as near as Eastbourne.

61. Mrs. Bennet still likes a red coat in her heart.
62. You can marry a man who doesn't have two carriages or enormous houses, BUT YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MUSIC!
63. Giving pianofortes as gifts is reckless.
64. Family secrets can be popt out.
65. If your employer asks if he is handsome, say no.
66. Insufferable women that are upstart, vulgar beings with her Mr. E and her Caro Sposo and her carriages and air of pert pretensions and under bred finery better not call him Knightley. ("I've known him all my life and even I don't call him that!")
67. We've never met Mrs. Weston's equal.
68. Colonel Brandon will run mad unless you give him an occupation.
69. Bleak House isn't so bleak after all!
70. You can buy off someone's £40 debt for a horse with £20.

71. French Fashion and Politics = Tailors will rule the land and no one will make the clothes; so much for that.
72. It was good the ball had to be cancelled because the Weston's may not be able to organize such an occasion without Mrs. Weston's experience in social occasions.
73. Mr. Skimpole is but a child.
74. Christina Cole can only get mean parts (save one part)
75. If a mysterious man (possibly a criminal) can climb up to the second story of a building with little trouble, DON'T TRUST HIM!
76. If you can't find a mirror somewhere, you can always use the butter knife you're using to check your appearance.
77. It just isn't a Charles Dickens movie unless Alun Armstrong is in it.
78. You must wrap up warm in case some of the dancers do something remarkably reprehensible like opening a window.
79. It's not luck that brought Mr. and Mrs. John Knightley together: just talent and intuition.
80. The children are not allowed to eat the cake: it's not good for them!

81.You can see for miles on Box Hill, but don't try to hold a picnic there.
82. Have a lot of money and propose to someone in prison, you get refused. Lose your money and propose to someone in prison, acceptance.
83.Will he be in humor to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men? NEVER!
84. If a girl tells you that she will only hurt you, listen to her.
85. Mr. Knightley is not good at dancing (NOT!)
86. Papa is a preferable form of address. Saying Father is rather vulgar.
87. Saying Papa gives a pretty form to the lips like "potatoes", "poultry", "prunes" and "prism"... especially prunes and prism.
88. Smelling Salts are perfect when your faintness is coming on.
89. Burnt hair smells like burnt feathers.
90. Giving candles for surgery is not done in London, but you're not in London: you're in Cranford.

91. The distance between Lark Rise and Candleford is about eight miles, but everyone seems to manage to walk those eight miles both ways, multiple times a day, and everyday. (Okay, maybe an exaggeration...)
92. Retrieving lace that was eaten by a cat counts as an emergency.
93. Don't stop Mr. Thornton in the middle of a proposal.
94. There is no felicity in the world superior to walking in the rain, falling down a hill, and spraining your ankle.
95. Margaret Dashwood would make a great meteorologist.
96. If there was truth in all his looks, then he must be telling the truth (NOT!).
97. You can have a horror of finery while being over trimmed.
98. You can hardly bring yourself to look upon the sad state of those cuffs.
99. Shelves in the closet are a happy thought indeed.
100. "I saw her answer" means "I wrote her answer"

Woo! That is 100 things that I learned from period dramas. What do you think? What other ones can you come up with? Leave a comment with the ones you came up with!

 God Bless,
God Bless, Miss Elizabeth Bennet


  1. "Margaret Dashwood would make a great meteorologist."

    HAHAHAHAHAHA. These were lovely. :)

  2. These are great! :D

    Here's a couple more from Bleak House:

    - If you've lost important documments don't forget to look underneath the "brimstone beast" aka the Cat!

    - "The wind is in the east", Mr. Jarndyce would have made a great meteorologist too!

  3. HA! Loved this!!


  4. That was so funny!
    I have also learned from watching period dramas that the attics at Pervis Lodge are DREADFUL!

  5. This is quite amazing, and I had to giggle at many of these! Great job!(:


  6. "On a clear night, you can make your soul leave your body." (-Tess D'Urbeyfield, Tess of the D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy)


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